A few weeks ago I came to church with Barbara. It was the Saturday evening Easter Program and I sat with her until Lorin was able to join her. Then I went to the back and sat with a friend. She leaned over and asked "Mary, how is Barbara doing?" I couldn't speak, a tear came to my eye and she said "sometimes life isn't fair is it? I silently nodded and thought of a picture of Christ that hangs in our home. Inscribed on it are the words " I never said it would be easy, I only dais it would be worth it." Barbara would agree. Never did I ever hear her question "Why me?"
Barbara had a wonderful relationship with her Heavenly Father and knew well his plan of Salvation. Barbara knew where she came from, why she was here and where she was going when her time here on earth was finished. Barbara even knew who would come to take her home. I know she knew because one day when I was lying on the bed talking with her I asked her and she told me she knew her mother and Father would come and take her to her Heavenly home.
Barbara had the faith to put her like in the Lords hands. She often said it wouldn't be up to the doctors if she lived or passed to the next phase of her life. It wouldn't be her decision either, because if she has the choice she would stay here and continue to raise her children and be a grandmother to her grandchildren, Madelyn, Easten and Emery. She knew her life was in the Lords Hands and she never questioned His path for her.
In July of last year. After we got the results of Barbara's tests, I read an article in the church magazine. It said
"We cannot control what is called the great transfer board in the sky. Heavenly Father cannot do his work in Heaven. Where there are 10 times as much as we have on his planet without, on occasion, taking some of the very best sisters and brothers from among us."(And I'd like to add mothers.)
When I read this I thought, Not Barbara. It comes back to faith and believing in the Lords timing even if we don't understand why.
Barbara East Skinner was born June 14.1950 in Benson, Arizona to Franklin and Louise East. She was the 3rd of 5 children. She graduate from Benson union high School and earned a teaching degree from ASU--(I might add that she remained a loyal fan. When ASU went to the Rose Bowl, Barbara and her family went to the rose bowl!) Barbara taught school at Mesa Jr. High and in the middle of her year of teaching the Lord let her know that she needed to serve a mission. Her father, Franklin didn't want her to go, he thought her 'prince charming' would come and go while she was gone. But Barbara knew what the Lord wanted and in June of 1974 she left for Taiwan to serve an 18 month mission. Barbara always said that Lord takes care of his missionaries and when she returned from Taiwan she got her job back. When that summer came she decided to go to NAU for the classes to keep her teaching certificate valid. There she met Lorin. After one date with Lorin she said "My life has changed." After 3 dates Lorin asked her to call her Principle and tell him she wouldn't be coming back to teach. She called her Doubting Father to tell him she was getting married in 5 weeks. Earlier that day he had told her aunt "Barbara will never get married, she is too picky!"
Barbara and Lorin were married in Mesa Temple September 6, 1977. Barbara wanted a large family and had 8 children in 13 years.
Scott, Sara, Amy, Jo, Brian, Tod, Ann, Brad
Barbara loved serving and she blessed the lives of others through her service. She was very active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints. She served in every organization of the church Primary--Relief Society--Sunday school--Scouting and Young Women. She never gave a lesson but what she ended with her testimony of Jesus Christ and her love for him.
Barbara and I served together in the Young Women's for many years. I loved serving with Barbara, especially when we would go to girls' camp. Barbara was prepared for anything. She was so organized and I never worried we would forget something because Barbara wouldn't forget anything!
She Loved serving and wherever she did she blessed us with her hobbies. She loved cooking, sewing, cake decorating, camping, Dutch oven cooking, counseling and most of all mothering.
One day close to the time Barbara's passing I saw Tod loading up the truck. He has all his gear and his dune buggy ready to go. Then I saw him carry out his Dutch oven. Barbara has left many wonderful talents with her children and when I say that I thought, Barbara will never be forgotten.
When Brad started kindergarten Barbara went back to teaching. She worked with the Special Education Students. Her friend Liz Nobel wrote this about her:
Barbara was the guiding light of the Special education department at Flagstaff High School for the last six years. She quietly, and in the most efficient manner, gained a reputation for the special Ed department at FHS as the most efficient and timely one in the district in turning in reports and the thousands of pages of paperwork required annually. She was a tough cookie, demanding that we get IEPs done, our census #'s right, our progress reports completed, you name it and she made sure we did! At FHS Barbara was simply "Our Barbara", she was not Lorin's or the Bishop's wife she was simply the extraordinary wonderful teaching assistant who made sure that everything from paperwork to making sure a student was tested to making sure a student got extra help sewing her boxer shorts in Fashion Design happened! She demanded responsible behavior and tempered it with smiles, love and kindness. We owe her much, our respect, our honor and most of all our friendship.
Barbara was an avid scouter, she wore her scouting uniform with as pride as a scouter.
Whatever she did, it was well done, but one of her most rewarding and helpful service commitments, was District Advancement, and Eagle Scout Board of Review. I am sure there are men and young men here today that she helped on their trail to Eagles. The Council knew that her quality of requirement from the boys was exactly as the guidelines direct. This was one of the hardest things for her to give up after her diagnosis.
Barbara believed and lived the Scout Oath and Law and taught it to her children, and all the youth she had stewardship for. Scott, Brian and Tod are Eagle Scouts and I am sure Brad will follow their example when the time comes.
Barbara was a great Scouter.
This Mother's Day Barbara's Children made a memory book for her. It included their feelings about her and their great love for her.
For example:
"I will always remember one night when you came home from the ICU. You were talking to dad and you were tired. Dad said we just wanted to make you happy and asked what you wanted. In tears and slowly you told him that you just wanted to raise your own children. That hit me hard. I hope I can have that much love for my children."
"Mom, you have fulfilled your responsibility as a mother, teacher and member of the church, etc. Now it is our responsibility to live the legacy you have started."
"Mom, I'm glad you saved the best for last. I will always be your baby. I will try to do what is right. I love you."
Barbara surely took comfort after hearing these thoughts as she considered motherhood to be her most sacred role. She taught her children all they need to know to make their family an eternal one.
In a family meeting after Barbra passed away her children had a few other memories to share. They included:
"Mom passed on to all of us her love for the outdoors, the scouting program, and everything it has taught us."
"She always loved everyone, no matter if she liked them or not."
"Work always came before Fun, but she would always have fun."
"She loved each one of kids the same."
"She could always make a bad situation into something good."
"I always liked it when she would tuck me into bed and give me a kiss and tell me she loved me."
"She always worked her hardest no matter what she was doing."
"She always led by example."
"Heavenly Father out her in my life to be my angel."
"She was a great Friend."
Could we all be so blessed to have these words said about us?
When Sara was in Young Women's organization of the church and one of the leaders told the girls it was ok to wear shorts to certain activity. Sara came home and told her mom; Barbara told Sara "You are a Skinner first than a young woman. You know what to do! Barbara chose a higher road for herself and her family.
Barbara believed in the most wonderful thing about living upon this earth is belonging to a loyal, affectionate, happy family and she did!
I know that the loss of a mother, friends and wife is almost more than we think we can bear. It is ok to weep. I cry all the time because I am selfish and want to see her smiling face right now.
In Doctrine and Covenants 42:245 we read "Thou shall live together in love in so much that thou shalt weep for those of loss of them that die:" Christ has said "Blessed are they that mourn and to those that mourned he has promised comfort." John 14:18 says "I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you."
Grief is another lesson taught to us by our Heavenly Father and Barbara knew that we would miss her, grieve and cry. But she would want us to turn our grief into gratitude. Gratitude for the savior, for the knowledge of an eternal family. Knowledge that we will see her again.
If roses grow in Heaven Lord
Please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in Barbara's arms
And tell her they are from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
And when she turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon her cheek
And hold her for a while.
Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
But there is an ache within my heart
That will never go away.
How Lucky I am o have known someone who it is so hard to say good bye too!
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen
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